Living with regret isn’t easy. It drains you emotionally and physically. No matter how big or small the regret is, it haunts you. Weaves it’s way into your life, eats away at you day by day. You might wake up one day and find that the guilt you’ve been carrying around for so long has started to fade and you can finally be yourself again. But that isn’t the case for everyone. Some carry their regret like a maximum weight allowance suitcase, destination: nowhere. It burdens my heart seeing how far others allow themselves to go, knowing that this isn’t the path they have chosen for themselves, knowing that this isn’t what they wanted to do, where they wanted to be, who they wanted to be. It burdens me because I know how they feel. Yes, I’m only 22 but I feel as though I have so much regret. I’ve let so many decisions be made through inaction (that usually stems from the fear of making the wrong decision) and now when the time has come to correct my mistakes they have become mountains rather being the mole hills they once were. To me, one of the hardest questions to ask yourself at times like this is - I know where I want to be, but how do I get there? Sometimes, undoing the mistakes you’ve made in the past that have brought you to were you are today, is a journey only you can take. The people around you many not always understand. They may not understand the long term benefits it could bring to you, to your life and maybe even your current head space. Going backwards and correcting your mistakes in order to move forward with your life is a process that is not easy, nor pleasant. It can test the very foundations of what makes you, you; it can break you down to a point that requires extreme determination in order to pull yourself back together. And that’s when we start again - you can find yourself, get to know who you are, your likes and dislikes. I’ve seen the ways in which living with regret can eat away at a person because they are too scared to accept responsibility their wrong doings and downfalls. Enslaved by their own fear of condemnation. People think of regret and don’t understand the extent of which it can take its toll. The sleepless nights, the headaches. The mind doesn’t rest when it is weighed down with the self torture of ‘would have, should have, could have’. You smile, you laugh - but how do you really feel? You step outside and battle the demons of the world just to come home and battle your own. There are so many things that can go wrong in life that make it easier to lose the essence of your being, your motivations, your aspirations. If you live life punishing yourself for the things you haven’t/didn’t do, it’ll only be detrimental in the long run. I get that it’s not always easy to ‘live and let live’ but burdening yourself with a hard decision you’ve had to make or any other kind of regret will hinder your personal development and block your blessings. If my (short) time on Earth has taught me anything, especially in terms of living with any type of regret, it would be summarised into: 1. We should all learn to seize the day (Carpe Diem). Life can be shitty and hard, especially when there are so many situations that are out of your control but still affect you but you still have to make the most of it. I admit, making the best of a rubbish situation is so much easier said than done, but this is where the next point comes in...
2. ‘Ex nihilism nihil fit’ (from nothing, comes nothing) - if you don’t put in the work to be where you want to be/go where you want to go, there will be no progression, no betterment. Hard work reaps fruitful results, whether in 6 months or 6 years.
3. Finally, enjoy as much as you possibly can. ‘Let us live, since we must die’. Life is short so live it to the fullest. Nobody wants to be 75 at home thinking of all their regrets. So start now. Only you can determine your fate, where you end up, what you leave behind. Despite the things that are absolutely out of your control, life is really what you make it. Inviticus By William Ernest Henley Out of the night that covers me, Black as the pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever Gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds and shall find me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul.