I feel as though people, especially in my generation (90’s baby), no longer strive for true love, they look for comfort. In today’s society love is lacking. They see couples that have been together for 20+ years breaking up and say love is a lie, but it’s not. I believe that those are couples that never really had true, raw, undying love. These individuals found the love for their lives, not the love of there lives.
What’s the difference?
The love for your life is a love for someone that comes from a place of comfortability and familiarity. The type of love that deep down you know there’s always been something missing, but you never could quite figure out what so you pushed that feeling down and forgot about for some time. Maybe it’s the love that you force yourself to feel so that you don’t have to be ‘40 and alone’. Or maybe it’s even come from the external pressures of ‘being married by a certain age’, so you fall for the first convenient and comfortable person you may find - worst case scenario is when you can’t have the love of your life so you settle for the next best thing.
The love of your life is that one person you just can’t stop loving, no matter how hard you try. Your very essence calls out for them. The person you didn’t even realise you were falling for until you were in too deep. The person that you understand within that you can foresee yourself loving for the rest of you life. The one person that when you seeing them hurting, your heart breaks. Every time you see them it feels like your heart is in your stomach and you start loving them all over again. The person that you love so deeply that no amount of words can come together to describe the undying passion that you feel. The person that your mind gravitates to. The person that feels all these things about you too. When you both understand that you are you’re own individuals but cannot quite grasp where your love for yourself ends and your love for them begins because as separate as you are, you’re also one. That wholehearted love that makes your skin hot with burning passion. When you think about how much you love that person, and how much they love you, it could reduce you to tears. This is the love we all deserve and should strive for.
I think a lot my generation has lost faith in this kind of love or maybe they are just too scared to find this love because they don’t quite understand it. Whether it’s because of these reasons or any other, we cannot keep on hiding behind these widespread defence mechanisms of toxic masculinity and an overbearing sense of false feminism. I admit, there are males out there that are truly toxic and detrimental to the very foundations of basic human civilisation and the idealism of what a ‘man’ should be. And yes, there are women out there that understand and uphold the true definition of what it is to be a feminist.
However, using descriptions such as this to hide behind age old ideologies of a gender or group of people, saying that they’re too *insert chosen word* for anything, especially too *insert same word* to be loved (*insert chosen word* = words used to undermine and stereotype a gender or group i.e. ‘trash’ or ‘hoe-like’). Men have been viewed as ‘trash’ and women as ‘b**chy’ since the dawn of time but it’s only now you want to use it as a reason to give up on love? Cancel the good for nothing and nonchalant individuals and go find yourself a sweet one. Just because you are already at a point in your life in which you’re looking for a babes doesn’t mean that everyone in your age bracket or the age bracket that you are looking in, is.
Emmanuel from down the road isn’t trash because he’s a nonchalant person, he just hasn’t found the right person that he wants to actively adore and dote over. The same way in which Sabrina around the corner isn’t a b**ch for not wanting to be with you.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that love takes patience. It might take you a month, or it could take you a year to find the one you’re looking for. In the mean time love yourself, understand who you are and who you want to be with. And before you starting stressing over Lucy, Samuel and Jo, start becoming the best version of yourself.
Edited by @Ben_lina