7am. Can’t sleep, scrolling through twitter and I have decided that some people are stupid. Not to outrightly offend anybody, but stop manipulating the meaning of an action to make yourself feel better for opening your legs/ sticking your piece into a deceitful liar. John from down the road did not rape you if he told you that he was a ‘sweet one’ then you CONSENSUALLY had sex with him only to find out he’s a piece of s**t. His intentions were not pure, yes. He is a liar, yes. He hurt your feelings and yes there are not many things you can do about it, but he DID NOT rape you. When we use the word ‘rape’ to describe situations such as this, we are truly taking away from the victims of this crime.
I myself have not been sexually assaulted to that degree, maybe a few wondering hands in a club but that’s it. Even from that, I can honestly sympathise with victims of any type of sexual assault - male and females. Just having a stranger grab my bum in a club make me feel sick to my stomach, let alone having another person forced upon yourself. To an extent, I understand that maybe these people that are willing to use backward logic to try and justify that scenario as ‘rape’ - maybe they do feel violated, lied to etc and that’s okay. It is okay to understand and accept how something has made you feel, but it is important to understand that even with the false pretenses, you consented. Whether you regret it or you are trying to get some sick type of revenge, you consented. And that’s that on that.
Another point I would like to address is the notion of a person is lying about being sexually assaulted because they ‘waited so long to come out’ is utter bull. More often than not, the ones that have been in the shadows, holding on to their demons, are the ones you should listen to the most when they finally come out and tell you that someone hurt them. It’s not easy to let the whole world know what happened, to face those demons - your demons - head on. It’s not easy. On top of that, to then be almost certain that once you’ve unleashed your secret, it’s more than likely to be met with negative comments and accusations of being a ‘lying hater’ or ‘b**ch’. Excuse you? What gives you the right? What gives you the right to tell someone that they are lying. Until a person is proven to be 1000% false about an allegation against their ‘perpetrators’, we have no right to tell them how to feel, behave or what to say. Nothing.
Imagine that you were to come out with your deepest, darkest secret, the thing that haunts your dreams, that keeps you up at night and you were met with utter bull. Imagine you were publicly humiliated, shamed and dehumanised for it. Don’t only imagine how that would feel for yourself, but those who have the same/similar experiences to you. What if they were trying to find the courage that you had to finally say what they want to say, but then they see how your name and experiences have been slandered, dragged through the mud and back just for talking about your truth. After that why would the next person want to step out into the lime light, why would they bring attention to themselves? To be bullied and beat down too?
If and when these victims come forward, the first thing you need to do is take a step back and listen. We need to empower these victims, to enable them to come forward, to not have a fear of being slandered and discredited. Everyone can be guilty of doing this, whether it be the first person that they told, the police, the legal system or the media. All it takes is a ‘but they are your partner, it’s not possible’ or ‘she was wearing a sexy/suggestive dress’ to place a shadow of doubt in the minds of people and to devalue someone’s truth.
Don’t be there to judge... be there to listen.
I think the overall point of which I am trying to make is that why, without any form of evidence to say the contrary, would we try and discredit the truth of another human. Oh! Because ‘you know *name* and they would never do that’... But that little girl’s mother knows her husband and he would never touch their daughter. But he did. But your aunt knows her boyfriend and he would never touch her nephew. But he did. You know your best friend and they would never touch your little sibling. But they did. You can’t put it past anyone.
Disclaimer - please I’m not really saying all your aunts, uncles and friends are sexual predators but just because they are all flowers and clouds on the outside doesn’t mean that they’re a saint.
Edited by @Ben_Lina1